The Good Kind of Dorky


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Are you sick of me yet?

Edgar and I were talking about the wedding last night. I was saying how there are a few things that I definitely do not want to do at our wedding, one being the dollar dance (or apron dance as they call it in the Polish tradition). Edgar wants to do the dollar dance. I do not. He thinks I'm taking too many traditions out of our wedding already, but I disagree. There are tons of "traditional" things we'll have in our wedding. My feeling also is that these days, anything goes! There are too many traditions to do them all anyway!

My feeling is that if people are traveling to come to our wedding to be with us and bringing a gift already, it's in poor taste to ask them to pay money to dance with the bride and groom. To be brutally honest, I think it's just plain tacky. I want the reception to be for us, but also for our guests. I don't want them to feel like they have to shell out more cash. I'd be happy to dance with everyone in the room for free!

My intent is not to take what Edgar wants away from him. I just don't feel comfortable with this "tradition." How do you guys feel about the dollar dance? Did you or would you have this at your wedding?

Edited to add: Sorry to be confusing. I'm half Polish, but I don't do anything that is traditionally Polish and neither does my mom, who is 100% Polish. Edgar is Dominican and the money dance is part of his culture. The only people from my family who might appreciate the dance are my moms' parents, who didn't raise her so they don't really have a lot of influence with things like this.


  • At 8:16 AM, Blogger janet said…

    I am definitely with you on this one: tacky!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry if that offends anyone, but I'm just being honest)

  • At 8:52 AM, Blogger Sarah said…

    This bridesmaidzilla is going to have to Veto the dollar dance as well. I'm still blown away by how generous pepole are when someone is getting married, having a dollar dance is just taking advantage and way tacky. I do know that it's really big in some cultures though. However, all of my WASPy friends and family would have DIED.

  • At 9:21 AM, Blogger Beej said…

    Somehow we managed to have a great wedding without the dollar dance, the electric slide, the chicken dance, the bouquet toss or the garter toss. Though we did have a carousel running during our time between ceremony and reception.

    Personally I think a dollar dance is a no-no. Though my husband mentioned that his Mom wondered why we werent' having it. My Dad would have had a cow if we had it.

    Speaking of Polish tradition, we did do the bread, salt and wine thing at our wedding.

  • At 10:02 AM, Blogger The "Mind" said…

    We did that, it was the norm up here in 1990. You want to hear something funny. The best man at my wedding to exhole couldn't afford his tux rental. He paid for it with his rent money and then we gave him the money back out of the dollar dance funds. LOL! It's kind of funny now.

    It wasn't that bad, but I wouldn't do it again on a bet. People I wouldn't normally dance with (Read: my STINKY ex-BIL) I got stuck dancing with. *shudder* However, I also had to slow dance with all my aunts, bridesmaids and friends and I've got to say, that was a blast. Talk about hamming it up.

    I still wouldn't do it again, I'd just dance with whoever I wanted to. Cece, get your dancing legs on baby! I'm saving a slow one just for you! LMAO

    However, you also have to take in Edgar's ethnic background, it is tradition for him isn't it? Here is where you are going to learn to compromise...the wedding.

  • At 10:04 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    I have never heard of the "dollar dance".

    But I agree it should be no where near your wedding.

  • At 10:15 AM, Blogger Aimee said…

    I'm with everyone else. It's totally tacky. Yet, everyone seems to do it. There are two things (that I'll mention now) that I think are HIDEOUSLY TACKY.

    1) The dress where your rack (even non-existant ones) are suddenly GIANT and SQUEEZING OVER THE TOP of the dress.
    2) the dollar dance.

    Because: 1) his uncle doesn't need to know you have that much potential in your top and 2) when you put those things together - well it's more reminiscent of the bachelor party. :x

  • At 11:08 AM, Blogger L Sass said…

    I hate the dollar dance, too! I agree with all--totally tacky. All of us in our 20s/30s know what it feels like to be completely inundated with wedding-attendee-related-expenses... why add another?

  • At 1:48 PM, Anonymous audrey said…

    I don't think it gets much tackier than the dollar dance. I feel like I really just want to celebrate my marriage with people -- and the best way to do that is to share a few drinks, some yummy food, and have a little dance party. If they wanted to give us a gift, that was completely up to them, but no way was I having a designated "give us money" time at the wedding.

  • At 2:17 PM, Blogger Cece said…

    When I saw the dollar bill picture I knew where this was going. lol

    Edgar is Mexican, huh? It is a tradition in our culture. And Hispanic guests expect it.

    When we were planning our wedding I said the same thing. NO! I told Mister I wasn't comfortable doing it & on & on.

    Farther down the line my grandmother and my MIL (both elderly Hispanic) women asked him why I won't do it. He told them I didn't feel comfortable. They (mostly my gma lol) said I was crazy and HAD to do it.

    So we did it. The dj announced the dance and it was fun, actually. My mom helped me with it like this, she said to me: Its a tradition, just do it. If people think its tacky they don't have to participate. Let them drink your free booze instead!

    LMAO Thanks Mom! I do have to say that the $600 we came home with we put it towards spending money for our honeymoon cruise.

    Its totally up to you. If you're not comfortable with it, then don't do it. But if Edgar really wants to do it, then can you compromise? Maybe have the dj announce you're doing a dollar dance & will be donating the $$ to a chairty or something? I did it b/c Mister (and the gma's) asked me to. It was over in 15-20 minutes.

  • At 2:46 PM, Blogger Chiada said…

    Ugh, I HATE the dollar dance. I have only been to one wedding where it was done, and I thought it was weird and very uncomfortable.

    We didn't have any dancing at my wedding, just a spanish guitarist and flutist for background music. It was a warm summer day at a park, so the reception was more like a garden party.

    Even if I had had an indoor reception with a live band or a DJ, I still would not have done the dollar dance. It might have been fun to dance with other people, one after the other, like that. But I wouldn't ask them to pay me a buck for the pleasure. It makes me think of cheap wine: One Buck Chuck.

  • At 3:42 PM, Blogger Maya said…

    Edgar is Polish, I thought? And note: Yes, it *is* an ethic tradition for the older generations; however - if you are already doing things like the bread/salt/wine/silver coin, the various veil traditions (placing, transfer, unveiling,) and the hand binding ceremony - I think you could skip this, especially since you ARE respecting the family.

    As far as the money dance, or any of the other horrendously tacky 'traditional' dances (no electric slide, no macarena, chicken, etc.) - Here's what Scott does with regard to them:

    Scene One (optimal)
    Scott: "So are there any other formalities you'd like to include?"
    Potential Client: "No"
    Scott: "EXCELLENT CHOICE. We really appreciate you keeping everything classy. We don't do the macara, etc etc"

    Scene Two (less than optimal)
    Potential Client: " you guys do the Electric Slide/other tacky dance?"
    Scott: "We don't lead that dance, no - but we can play it if you put it on your 'must-play' list'
    Potential Client: "Well, we weren't SURE about it - what do you think?
    Scott: "If you're not both 100% married to the idea, I'd skip it."

    Perhaps a "timed intervention" with a professional dj/emcee/the band would help?

  • At 4:18 PM, Blogger Carrie said…

    Edgar is Dominican.

    And I would never get sick of you.

    And will you dance with me?

    And I never heard of the dollar dance.

    And you should compromise with Edgar.

    And what if the bride can't dance?

    And why am I jealous of your wedding plans when I insist on not having a wedding?

  • At 4:36 PM, Anonymous alyndabear said…

    Well.. I don't particularly like the idea myself, but ultimately it's a compromise .. is there any other tradition that Edgar wants that you can agree on instead?

  • At 6:03 PM, Blogger Isabel said…

    I had seen these before and thought they were super-duper tacky. And then I got married (to my first husband) and my aunt and cousins did this HORRIBLE thing where they totally kidnapped me in the middle of the reception ("hey, we have to show you something" and then locked me in a room). They held me for ransom. I sat in the room freaking out and telling them to "LET ME THE HELL OUT. THIS IS NOT COOL!" But they laughed and thought it was awesome.

    Dude, I was embarrassed. Especially when I saw that people had written checks out. Gag.

    While we did get a lot of money from was NOT worth the horror.

    Find a happy medium as far as traditions go.

    Good luck.

  • At 9:47 AM, Blogger Angela said…

    This is funny, because Nick and I had the very same discussion when we were planning our wedding a year or so ago. I didn't want it and he did. We went back and forth and back and forth on it. I did veto all "group" dances, the bouquet toss and garter toss, and for a while was winning on this one as well. Then his sister, who got married one month ahead of us, had a dollar dance at her wedding. When people on his side asked us if we were having one, I had a really hard time defending my answer without making them feel guilty or awkward, so we just went with it. Personally, I do still dislike them, but I suppose just about anything goes anymore. Even though I fought it all along, I did appreciate having all that extra cash for our honeymoon. People were generously slipping us tens and twenties!

  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger Frema said…

    I think they're tacky for the very reason you mentioned. People spend money on clothes, travel, and gifts before they ever step foot through the door. To create an event that demands even more is an insult to them. (In my opinion.)

  • At 12:23 PM, Blogger Cece said…

    Carrie, at ours I was on one side & he was on the other & people came up to us to dance. We told our dj no more than 3 songs.

    Like Mind said, it was nice dancing w/my aunts & stuff.

  • At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Maya said…

    How on earth did I think he was POLISH? LOL!

    Still anti money dance, though. (Just to be honest) But a question: Do Dominicans have padrinos/nas (sort of like 'sponsers') for parts of the wedding like Mexicans do? I wouldn't expect so, but now I'm curious.

  • At 10:22 PM, Anonymous Sarah said…

    We didn't do one either, but I don't really think it's tacky. To each his own. :) I agree that people are generous enough with weddings, what with traveling there, getting all gussied up, and bringing a gift. If he really wants to do one, would you consider passing out slips of paper and making people write a wish for the couple to trade for a dance? Could be too corny for some people, but it's also kind of sweet.

  • At 6:43 PM, Anonymous MrsHIgrens said…

    It's definitely not something I would be comfortable with, as it's not something that is part of my Virginia country club culture - either doing it or watching it. But we had several engagement parties and a couple of bridal showers thrown on our behalf, so we ended up with money and gifts up front in addition to our wedding presents.

    Maybe it's a decision you can put off until you see how much you get in from parties (I know, a very mercenary view) before the wedding.

    Personally, I still like the bouquet and garter toss, but not when the guy who catches the garter has to put it on the girl who caught the bouquet. That is icky!

  • At 9:08 AM, Blogger Erika said…

    I'm late to the party. I have been to several weddings where the bride was horrified by the idea of a dollar dance but her father or mother-in-law or some rowdy guest requested it from the DJ. It ended up being funny. I don't know how others feel, I am never offended, I just don't participate if I don't feel like it. It usually makes for some funny pairings (at our friends' weddings, usually fraternity brothers dancing with the groom). And my good looking friends, our husbands will definitely pay to dance with them! lol Then I had one friend whose parents-in-law took all the dollar dance money with them (like $300!!)

  • At 9:10 AM, Blogger Erika said…

    P.S. we did not have one at ours but no one asked us beforehand either (i.e. it wasn't a big deal to our families)

  • At 9:06 AM, Blogger Natalie said…

    Totally agree. I witnessed my first money dance a few years back and was embarassed for my friend! So tacky!

  • At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I am doing the apron unveiliung danc but not for money just the circle dancing around us until the unveiling then dancing with whoever. That was my compromise.


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