The Good Kind of Dorky


Wednesday, October 03, 2007

No Apologies

Every post I write, I feel the need to apologize for being such a slacker as of late. Maybe instead of apologizing, I'll just write--no apologies.

The gym I am a member of (American Family Fitness, Northside, Richmond) is a nice gym. It has everything I need and offers a great variety of classes at no additional charge. I believe American Family is only in Virginia, but I could be wrong. One thing I like about the company in general, is that they use real people in their advertising. The janitor at my gym, who I've gotten to know a little bit (because I want him to date Edgar's mom--another story for another time) was featured in one of their brochures. They use real people, not airbrushed models. I think this is such a positive message and I applaud them for it! Overall, I feel comfortable going to this gym and the staff is great.

At the risk of sounding superficial...hell, 3/4 of my blog sounds superficial...I should not be one of the best looking people at my gym! Maybe it's the time of day I go (either early morning or after dinner) and I think the young people often go right after work, but that is no excuse, right? There are some fuglies at my gym and it is really a drawback. Do I just live in an ugly area of Richmond? That can't be true because I totally hang out at Wal-Mart on Friday nights to check out the fine pieces of ass. Let me tell you, they are fiiiine. After a good bicep lift, I like to head on over to The Mart and hang out in the hunting section. When a hottie walks by I just flex and say, "This way to the gun show!" You don't know how many gender ambiguous women I've picked up that way to take home for a threesome. I kid. I kid.

I feel like there should at least be a handful of hot model-esque, uber-popular girls in there to make me feel just a little insecure, for motivation's sake if nothing else. Why should I increase my resistance or run just a little faster? I don't know. You tell me. I bet if I worked out at a gym closer to a college with hot sorority chicks I'd run harder. But despite the fuglies, you know what really gets me heated? That they have a snack bar. Sure, there are a few healthy choices, but there are also Snickers bars. Why wait? They also serve pancakes and bacon in the morning (at least on the weekends, not sure about weekdays). Nothing like smelling grease and syrup while you're on the eliptical trainer three feet away. Yes, there is really no separate eating area. It's right out there by the cardio equipment. I'm not opposed to snack bars or smoothie bars, but seriously, don't sell candy and bacon. I'm all for candy and bacon in moderation, but I don't want to see it at the gym. Seriously, what message is that sending out? I swear I've seen people go in there just to eat, and trust me, the time would have been better spent on a stationary bike while they ate their breakfast. Now that is a novel idea.


  • At 11:51 PM, Blogger alana said…

    I don't have much to say other than I found this post hilarious. Also, I'm now craving bacon. (Why couldn't I be craving a nice, hard run on the treadmill?!)

  • At 1:34 AM, Anonymous alyndabear said…

    Your gym has FOOD? Jeez. The only thing that my gym used to sell was Protein powder and slogan tshirts. Oh, and water.

    My gym ALSO used to be filled with hot, skinny women. Me? I was one of the (sweaty) fuglies!

  • At 9:20 AM, Anonymous Operation Pink Herring said…

    One of my BFFs went to Richmond and lived there for a few years afterwards, and every time I went to visit her I came home with an inferiority complex. Everyone I saw there could have been a supermodel. But that was near UR, so maybe all the hot sorority-types hang around the college!

  • At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Audrey said…

    2 Schrute Bucks for you!

    The thought of smelling syrupy pancakes and bacon while I try to work out makes me want to puke. That's awful. They should totally have healthy stuff like smoothies and wraps and fresh fruit.

  • At 9:48 AM, Blogger Marriage-101 said…

    You should come work out at my gym. We have professional strippers and body builders. And I am one of the fuglies.

  • At 9:51 AM, Blogger Marriage-101 said…

    Oh and I also wanted to say that seeing all the REALLY fugly fuglies, makes me want to work out harder so I NEVER LOOK LIKE THAT! (I would've typed that earlier, but I was eating a muffin and got distracted.)

  • At 10:04 AM, Blogger Mrs. Higrens said…

    Someone's got to be the hot one in the gym, so why not you?

    I think the snack bar not being in its own area is a little disturbing though. Having food smells wafting around would not help my workout concentration.

  • At 10:34 AM, Blogger Sue said…

    "When a hottie walks by I just flex and say, "This way to the gun show!" You don't know how many gender ambiguous women I've picked up that way to take home for a threesome.

    OMFG! I'm dying!

    But, a gym serving breakfast like that while I'm working out...yeah, I'd be canceling my membership. I've found that when I walk through town on warm mornings, the smell of eggs and/or bacon cooking makes me want to ralph.

  • At 11:15 AM, Blogger Elise said…

    Nothing better than burning 300 calories the hard way only to sit your ass down three steps away and eat it all back up in 2 minutes.

    Whee! What a nutty idea for a gym :)

  • At 12:41 PM, Blogger Chiada said…

    Pretty much all of the gyms where I live, with the exception of Curves, are full of models and strutting cocks. I mean jocks! Or something. I don't have a gym membership, but I see these people going in and coming out, swaggering with their little white towel either around their neck or hanging by a tip out of their back pocket. Now, Curves, on the other hand, is full of slightly overweight but normal sized grandmas who are hoping to slim down a bit and like the machines for their easy on the ol' bod features.

    I dunno. Gyms intimidate me. I've been to a couple in the past, but I always feel like people are looking at me when I come in, when I'm on a machine, when I leave, etc. What's up with that?! Why do people have to stare at me and get me all red in the face and embarrased that I'm the only out of shape person there?! HMPH!

    See what you did, Lindsey? You had to go and get me all worked up! ;)

    I guess I'll have to stick with Hub-E and get my exercise in by hiking and bouldering.

  • At 2:03 PM, Blogger Julie said…


    I feel like I have to comment on this... but I really have nothing funny to say.


  • At 5:25 PM, Blogger Lauren said…

    This really isn't helping your "Lauren, there's a guy at my gym, you'd be great together" cause.

  • At 9:55 PM, Anonymous Motherload said…

    What better way to keep their gym in business than to feed the fuglies so they keep coming back. It's the ol' eat/work out/eat cycle. Genius I'd say!

  • At 2:14 PM, Blogger Angela said…

    That's so strange that they feed people pancakes and bacon at the gym. I guess they are just trying to buy a little insurance to keep their clients out of shape and coming back. Perhaps they are actually geniuses in disguise.

  • At 12:51 PM, Blogger L Sass said…

    PANCAKES on the elliptical trainer???

    Depending on the work out, that would either
    (A) tempt me beyond belief
    (B) induce serious nausea.

    That's just cruel!


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